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Class Graveyard: 5 Classes No One Will Take Next Semester

As Round 14 of registration for the Spring of 2016 came to a close, I could hear the faint whispers of the few classes who were left neglected, untouched, and left to die. We all saw them, and we all ignored them; their remaining spots read 48, their capacity 50, and their appeal, 0.  It’s a sad thing when this happens, but realistically, it was probably just not meant to be.

So as a sign of respect, I have compiled a list of five classes that deserve your admiration, for they are truly worthy of reflection.

1. Elevator Music and Society: Why, When, Where, and What Does it Mean?

Ever step into a quiet elevator and feel a sense of loss, like there was a huge hole in your heart, like, if only you had a tune to listen to, it would be the ride more enjoyable? If so, this class is for you! And if this class is for you, I have a hunch that you’re also the type of person who exclusively makes his phone calls using pay-phones. What the fuck would I learn in this class, how to develop paranoia? How I should torture my friends when they think I should “control my weekend habits”? Why elevator music is the reason that free samples at Costco exist? Really curious about the answers to all these questions.

2. Introduction to Googling


Self-explanatory. Only show up to the first class and the exams. Then switch your default search engine to Bing.

3. Seminar: Interpreting the Family Trees of Others


I could literally give less of a shit about your alcoholic Aunt Gretchen, let alone your second cousin who doesn’t cut his nails because he wants to win a Guinness World Record (do they really still have those?). The only time these people should ever be relevant in my life is if you are inviting me to one of their open-bar weddings, or if your hot half-brother from Barcelona is into me.

4. The Art of Lecture: Analyzing PowerPoint Through PowerPoint


I mean hey, if you want to stare at a lecture hall of sleeping student for 90 minutes twice a week, DEFINITELY think about teaching this class. And if you want to learn how to develop a caffeine addiction, jerk-off Bill Gates, or become a tenure professor, by all means, register.

5. The History of Coat Hangers

Hm. See, this one interests me. Are we talking the history of coat hangers in pop culture? (see: RHONY’s Ramona Singer steals Goth Cindy’s hangers in Morocco, “NO WIRE HANGERS!!!”, that time American Horror Story got real dark etc.) Will I learn about the ways I can use a coat hanger to prep for the Apocalypse? How to successfully organize a walk-in closet? Might reconsider this one during the add/drop period.

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