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5 Items You NEED This Winter

As the holidays roll around, we’re all foraging the web for the perfect gifts to buy for ourselves, ask for ourselves, and (only on occasion) give to others. I have compiled this list of practical, fashionable, and necessary items for everyone’s winter wishlist.

Screen Shot 2015-12-09 at 12.13.22 PM.png1.  Canada Goose HyBridge Lite Skirt ($275)

Canada Goose does not cease to deliver. The lightweight, plush material of this skirt is sure to keep your crotch warm during chilly days, shielding your thighs from the bitter winds of winter. Accessorize this one with your matching parka, and let the logo speak for itself. Don’t worry, people will get the message! We all know you’re just supporting your home country, Canada!

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2. Charlotte Simon Double Pom Cap ($190)

YES YES YES!!! This hat beautifully combines the “I’m chill, wear baseball hats, and drink Budweiser (not light)” look, while putting a fancy spin on the PlayBoy animal (I’m a mouse, duh). Ladies, would your $200 be better spent somewhere else? I think not.

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3. HanderPants ($11.95)

 Goodbye gloves, hello HanderPants. If you want to try something edgy, chic, and thought-provoking, you NEED this item. They’ll leave everyone wondering what’s going on under your pants, and then obviously, how one can get down there. Not saying these will get you laid, but I’m also not not saying that.

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4. Go Girl Female Urination Device ($.9.47)

I literally can’t believe I’ve lived my entire life without this. Pictured in a lovely lavender color, the ‘Go Girl’ offers women, “The convenience of going to the bathroom standing up”. I mean, really…have you ever heard of something more empowering? Now I get to pee like a dude!!!! Extra points if you use this in a men’s restroom (at a urinal, duh).

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5. Yankee Candle, ‘Christmas Eve’ ($27.99)

Mmmmmmm, smells like vodka and regrets. This candle brilliantly captures the aroma of my last Christmas Eve; I got blackout with my Grandma and puked in the Christmas tree planter 🙂 . Yankee Candle has always been able to take me back to a memory/place, and this one is no exception. Here’s an idea! Gift this to an ex-boyfriend! It’ll make him think of that time he got drunk for Midnight Mass and slept with your slutty neighbor! Ugh, I love Christmas time.

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i enjoy a nice tub of hummus with my lunch thefauxrient.com


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