As 2016 rolls around, I thought it would be helpful to others for me to make some light NYE Resolution suggestions. Because I know each of these people personally, I can accurately gage the type of resolutions that will be beneficial to him/her in the upcoming year. You know what they say: new year, new me!!
1. For my 16 year-old sister: Learn how to use a tampon.
2. For the ‘cool’ professor: Please, tell me more about your drinking habits.
3. For Ted Cruz: Give birth to a child with your one-night-stand.
4. For my wax lady: Less mirror, more burn prevention.
5. For Taylor Swift’s ‘squad’: Only shave Taylor’s legs 3 times a week (instead of the usual 5).
6. For the homeless guy that sleeps on my street: Cool it with the handshake attempts.
7. For girls who only drink Fireball: Apologize to every bartender you’ve encountered.
8. For my dog: Lick your butthole as a treat, not as a habit.
9. For students who share their political opinions on Yik Yak: Only eat dinner alone twice a week.
10. For Caitlyn Jenner: Begin training for Rio 2016