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A Run-On Sentence for the Winner of the Powerball

so you win and you’re feeling a bit nauseous so you go to the bathroom and grab that pregnancy test and start to pee and you’re careful not to get your fingers wet because, you know, that’s disgusting and you’re a billionaire now so obviously you’re classy and your fingers should always stay dry and … Continue reading

Woman Encounters Homeless Man’s Ballsack, Claims Virginal Conception

Early yesterday morning a middle-aged woman experienced what she calls, “The most important 47 seconds of my life”. Emitting a long moan when asked to relay the events to our team, the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), smiled, crossed herself, and flickered her eyes. It is no surprise that she acted in such a … Continue reading

The Definitive Ranking of the 2016 Presidential Candidates

As the Iowa Caucus has come and gone, the dust has settled, and Americans are becoming increasingly familiar with the candidates in the 2016 Presidential Race. Now, because the favorability of each and every candidate is SO high (maybe the highest we’ve seen in decades!), I took it upon myself to alleviate the processes of … Continue reading