//
you're reading...
Other Stuff

Woman Encounters Homeless Man’s Ballsack, Claims Virginal Conception

Early yesterday morning a middle-aged woman experienced what she calls, “The most important 47 seconds of my life”.

Emitting a long moan when asked to relay the events to our team, the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), smiled, crossed herself, and flickered her eyes. It is no surprise that she acted in such a manner, for she witnessed a thing so powerful, so momentous, that the course of anyone’s life would be forever changed.

Yes, yesterday morning, the woman encountered her first public ballsack.

We’ve all been there, of course, but this woman’s story is more remarkable than anything I’ve heard during my twenty years on Earth. She claims that at the sight of his ballsack, she was impregnated.

“I could smell him from around the block. His baggy pants hung gently above his knees, revealing the crusty, brown backside of his thighs. His house, a beautiful cardboard chateau, made my lip quiver in awe. He is remarkable, he is mine.”Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 4.38.09 PM.png

When asked what caused the woman to be exposed to his ballsack, and her consequent pregnancy, she elaborated on the encounter.

“Before I turned onto the block, my sweetie must have been negotiating with a Police Officer for a cigarette. And you know how those NYPD Officers are, so generous! Well, it was around eight in the morning, so I can only assume that my love had been drinking, and it was no surprise that he was clumsy with his gift. He fumbled around with it a bit, but then he dropped the cigarette on the ground a couple of feet in front of me. Without warning, he bent over, the seas parted, and the rest is history. We’re going to be parents!”

The woman tells us that she is a virgin who has never been married.


Update: We are told that the woman gave birth to a child a couple of days after her encounter. We stand behind the fact that the woman’s child was conceived during the 47-second encounter she has outlined above. Amen.

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 4.39.02 PM.png

Advertisements

About smunionrat

i am everywhere and nowhere, a silent creature roaming amongst monsters

Discussion

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: