so you win and you’re feeling a bit nauseous so you go to the bathroom and grab that pregnancy test and start to pee and you’re careful not to get your fingers wet because, you know, that’s disgusting and you’re a billionaire now so obviously you’re classy and your fingers should always stay dry and then you leave the bathroom rather suddenly because you remember that the Family Feud application you had picked up at the Mobile station where you also bought the ticket is still sitting blankly on the counter
so you go to pick up your pen to start filling it out but then you get that sudden urge that you always get at about eleven at night to do some PCP but then you remember that you left the rest of your stash at Hillary’s house so you go back to the bathroom and begin to bleach the tips of your hair in a similar fashion to Aaron Carter circa 1999 and you sort of look like a fucking savage so you start to feel like you’re really going to go places in life
so you decide to call up your old buddy Chris Daughtry to see what he’s been up to but then you remember that he told you he would never talk to you unless you got braces so you get all disappointed and put a hair tie in your mouth over your teeth to simulate the feeling that you know you’ll never have and then you look at yourself in the mirror and you also feel like you’re missing some sort of hair accessory and then you remember that you need to renew your license
so in order to ensure that the new photo will be perfect you put on a spaghetti strainer like a hat and make a pose and then feel obligated to join The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster but then that quickly passes and you start to get all horny and wonder why there’s no such thing as Siri porn but then you remember that you’re a billionaire now
so you can totally invest in that and make bank once it becomes a thing and maybe you’ll even star in it but then you remember that you have that nasty scar from that time that you had to sell your kidney in Mexico when things got a little messy but THEN you remember that you’re a billionaire now
so you can totally just buy it back just like you can buy an invisibility cloak and Google Glass and a new pair of slippers and then finally fulfill your lifelong dream of dropping everything and moving to California to become a waitress at Lisa Vanderpump’s esteemed restaurant, SUR.