you're reading...
College Stuff

A Run-On Sentence for a Lady Still on Spring Break

so it’s your fifty-seventh day of spring break and you’re starting to realize that your hair has grown like 5 inches since you were last at school so you decide that you’re going to pamper yourself today like a lady

IMG_0448.JPGso you go to get a pedicure and you take off your socks and find yourself staring at ten toes and only seven toenails because you’ve somehow lost three of them and you think this may have to do with that dog who licked you in the park the other day and then you remember that maybe the toenails poked all those holes through your socks which evidently led you to look for some socks downstairs and because no one else was in the house you went into your cleaning lady’s room because why wouldn’t you invade her personal space on this lovely Tuesday afternoon, and you’re looking for socks but really you’re looking for something naughty like sex toys or drugs or journals with pages written about you and your habit of picking out your eyelashes and leaving them in neat little piles on your carpet 

Collections_03_TabooIX-1.jpgwhich makes it so much harder to clean up because they cling to the surface’s fibers but you can’t help being you so instead when you find that every single one of her drawers is filled with various assortments of all of your old pairs of socks sorted by color and tallness and whether they have Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh! on them

and then you realize that the socks in her drawers are only your socks and not your sister’s or your father’s or your mother’s and you see a couple of pairs that you’ve really missed over the years and used to snuggle with at night to make you a little less lonely, you feel flattered but decide to leave that all alone

and then you get a little distracted by your reflection in the bathroom mirror because you haven’t really noticed how thin you are or how smooth your skin is, or how some of those pimples under your nose have faded which reminds you that it’s your turn to pop your sister’s arm pimples because she’s not a lady yet

but obviously you’ll just do that later because you really can’t get over how gorgeous you look which is really a shame because you’re actually just not wearing your contacts and you’re standing quite far away from the mirror

Screen Shot 2016-03-24 at 12.44.24 AM.pngwhich also led to you to fail to notice the giant ass-cheek rip on your ‘cheat day’ yoga pants that you’ve been sporting all day which you are now wearing at the nail salon where you are still bending over to inspect the seven remaining toenails on your feet 

and then you decide that it’s not really ladylike to put Jenny through painting your seven toenails so you leave and go back home and read all of the Godfather movies’ in-depth summaries on Wikipedia so that you can talk intelligently about them the next time that someone says that the trilogy is a collection of the three greatest films ever made because really you haven’t seen any of them but whatever

you’re a lady so it doesn’t matter that you lie about it all the time so you brush that off and finish your day by ordering like two hundred twenty-one silly hats for that silly hat-themed birthday party that you’re throwing for your friend on Saturday because life is meant to be crazy!

Screen Shot 2016-03-24 at 12.39.07 AM.png

About smunionrat

i am everywhere and nowhere, a silent creature roaming amongst monsters


No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

follow @thefauxrient on insta!!!!

No Instagram images were found.


  • 1,701 weirdos
%d bloggers like this: