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College Stuff

This category contains 8 posts

A Run-On Sentence for a Lady Still on Spring Break

so it’s your fifty-seventh day of spring break and you’re starting to realize that your hair has grown like 5 inches since you were last at school so you decide that you’re going to pamper yourself today like a lady so you go to get a pedicure and you take off your socks and find … Continue reading

Five Haikus Because Winter Break Rocks!!!

currently uber driver plays romantic music and hums softly to himself food #2: open the pantry then go peak inside the fridge  open the pantry    pedicure hey, I see that look when’s last time you wore shorts? yeah, didn’t think so    ugh i don’t need to see your miami snap story wait, what … Continue reading

BREAKING: College Bans Porn, Panic Ensues

This Monday, February 8th, the head of The College’s Information Technology Department (IT) sent a campus-wide email to inform the student body of a new network security tool. The email outlined the many benefits of the new system, including its ability to limit the number of cyber attacks on the network, to secure any/all confidential … Continue reading

Five Haikus Because Finals Rock!!!

food brown bag express meals corner cubicle, my home you got adderall? voicemail sleep: new fone who dis? nostrils flare at smell of farts caffeine enemas google *jobs without degree?* ***drink wine to help write essay?*** **how to spell eigth?** (eighth) hygeine forgot to shower yesterday and day before clouds of dry shampoo  goodbye beet salad … Continue reading

Feeling Inferior: Bicyclists Promote Marginalization on College Campuses

This piece represents the opinion of the author: My_Opinion_Matters Before you judge me, or shoot me one of those grimacing looks through your computer screen, let me first say this: I grew up on a cul-de-sac, I can run at a reasonably fast pace, and I’ve been to both Amsterdam and Copenhagen. I attended an outdoorsy … Continue reading

SECURITY REPORT: 12/3 to 12/6

Thursday, December 3 -An intoxicated student vomited at Yankee Lanes, causing two students to slip and seriously injure themselves. All three students were transported to Mid Coast Hospital. -An electric massager that was reported missing from Maine Hall was recovered and returned to the owner. She was extremely pleased upon its deliverance. -A water bottle was left … Continue reading

BREAKING: Upset Students Cause Riot at Bowdoin College

It was a quiet, chilly afternoon in Brunswick, ME when a riot broke out in Bowdoin College’s student union. A group of upset students formed an alliance after Tuesday’s catastrophic incident, a blow that left almost one-eighth the student body in a state of shock.  Yes, the rumors and stories are true. I regret to … Continue reading

Class Graveyard: 5 Classes No One Will Take Next Semester

As Round 14 of registration for the Spring of 2016 came to a close, I could hear the faint whispers of the few classes who were left neglected, untouched, and left to die. We all saw them, and we all ignored them; their remaining spots read 48, their capacity 50, and their appeal, 0.  It’s … Continue reading