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humor

This tag is associated with 11 posts

A Run-On Sentence for a Lady Still on Spring Break

so it’s your fifty-seventh day of spring break and you’re starting to realize that your hair has grown like 5 inches since you were last at school so you decide that you’re going to pamper yourself today like a lady so you go to get a pedicure and you take off your socks and find … Continue reading

7 Things To Do On A Sunday

It’s Sunday! You aren’t doing work and you’re hungover as hell. Enjoy this comprehensive list of the 8 most stimulating, rewarding activities to do on the day God literally deemed ‘the day of rest’.   1. Wikipedia Straight up, Wikipedia is the only reason why I know that there are 50 states in this country. … Continue reading

2016: My Craigslist Summer

While other college students are scrambling to apply for summer internships or abroad programs or to be a Brand Ambassador at Next Step Reality, I have made the executive decision that 2016 will go down as My Craigslist Summer. After long hours scouring craigslist.com for the most promising job opportunities, I have collected quite the … Continue reading

A Run-On Sentence for the Winner of the Powerball

so you win and you’re feeling a bit nauseous so you go to the bathroom and grab that pregnancy test and start to pee and you’re careful not to get your fingers wet because, you know, that’s disgusting and you’re a billionaire now so obviously you’re classy and your fingers should always stay dry and … Continue reading

Woman Encounters Homeless Man’s Ballsack, Claims Virginal Conception

Early yesterday morning a middle-aged woman experienced what she calls, “The most important 47 seconds of my life”. Emitting a long moan when asked to relay the events to our team, the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), smiled, crossed herself, and flickered her eyes. It is no surprise that she acted in such a … Continue reading

Five Haikus Because Winter Break Rocks!!!

currently uber driver plays romantic music and hums softly to himself food #2: open the pantry then go peak inside the fridge  open the pantry    pedicure hey, I see that look when’s last time you wore shorts? yeah, didn’t think so    ugh i don’t need to see your miami snap story wait, what … Continue reading

Kanye West Cut This Guy in Line for American Idol

As I watched Kanye West’s inspiring American Idol audition, tears streamed down my face as he oozed humility and delivered one of the most beautiful variations of “Gold Digger” I had ever heard. His voice was like that of a cherub who had just received the gift of song as he delivered brilliantly crafted lines … Continue reading

~*!*~A White Girl’s New Year Thoughts~*!*~

So, it’s 2016. You’ve like, totally made a comprehensive New Year’s Resolution list that you posted in three of your GroupMe’s, and now you’re ready to get shit done! After spending the last week binge drinking and eating (it doesn’t count because it’s the holidays…and it’s obv still the holidays until you get home from … Continue reading

BREAKING: College Bans Porn, Panic Ensues

This Monday, February 8th, the head of The College’s Information Technology Department (IT) sent a campus-wide email to inform the student body of a new network security tool. The email outlined the many benefits of the new system, including its ability to limit the number of cyber attacks on the network, to secure any/all confidential … Continue reading

Saint West’s FIRST EVER Interview!!

On December 5, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced the birth of their new baby boy, Saint West. Kim’s highly publicized pregnancy captured the attention of millions, mostly due to the fact that she suffered from a multitude of complications. But despite a few **bumps** in the road, Saint West made it out just fine, … Continue reading