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satire

This tag is associated with 5 posts

Woman Encounters Homeless Man’s Ballsack, Claims Virginal Conception

Early yesterday morning a middle-aged woman experienced what she calls, “The most important 47 seconds of my life”. Emitting a long moan when asked to relay the events to our team, the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), smiled, crossed herself, and flickered her eyes. It is no surprise that she acted in such a … Continue reading

Kanye West Cut This Guy in Line for American Idol

As I watched Kanye West’s inspiring American Idol audition, tears streamed down my face as he oozed humility and delivered one of the most beautiful variations of “Gold Digger” I had ever heard. His voice was like that of a cherub who had just received the gift of song as he delivered brilliantly crafted lines … Continue reading

~*!*~A White Girl’s New Year Thoughts~*!*~

So, it’s 2016. You’ve like, totally made a comprehensive New Year’s Resolution list that you posted in three of your GroupMe’s, and now you’re ready to get shit done! After spending the last week binge drinking and eating (it doesn’t count because it’s the holidays…and it’s obv still the holidays until you get home from … Continue reading

BREAKING: College Bans Porn, Panic Ensues

This Monday, February 8th, the head of The College’s Information Technology Department (IT) sent a campus-wide email to inform the student body of a new network security tool. The email outlined the many benefits of the new system, including its ability to limit the number of cyber attacks on the network, to secure any/all confidential … Continue reading

5 Items You NEED This Winter

As the holidays roll around, we’re all foraging the web for the perfect gifts to buy for ourselves, ask for ourselves, and (only on occasion) give to others. I have compiled this list of practical, fashionable, and necessary items for everyone’s winter wishlist. 1.  Canada Goose HyBridge Lite Skirt ($275) Canada Goose does not cease to … Continue reading