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This tag is associated with 7 posts

A Run-On Sentence for a Lady Still on Spring Break

so it’s your fifty-seventh day of spring break and you’re starting to realize that your hair has grown like 5 inches since you were last at school so you decide that you’re going to pamper yourself today like a lady so you go to get a pedicure and you take off your socks and find … Continue reading

7 Things To Do On A Sunday

It’s Sunday! You aren’t doing work and you’re hungover as hell. Enjoy this comprehensive list of the 8 most stimulating, rewarding activities to do on the day God literally deemed ‘the day of rest’.   1. Wikipedia Straight up, Wikipedia is the only reason why I know that there are 50 states in this country. … Continue reading

#TBT: Five Haikus Because Middle School ROCKED!!!

good morning i pledge allegiance to abercrombie and fitch sorry, i mean god love i know you like me you shot me up with your lead pencil with bite marks XOXbubblegumgirlXOX heeeeeyyyyy wuts^ haha nm jc hmwk sux lawl who do u lykeeeee???? fun see the foursquare queen? heard that she wears training bras let’s … Continue reading

2016: My Craigslist Summer

While other college students are scrambling to apply for summer internships or abroad programs or to be a Brand Ambassador at Next Step Reality, I have made the executive decision that 2016 will go down as My Craigslist Summer. After long hours scouring craigslist.com for the most promising job opportunities, I have collected quite the … Continue reading

A Run-On Sentence for the Winner of the Powerball

so you win and you’re feeling a bit nauseous so you go to the bathroom and grab that pregnancy test and start to pee and you’re careful not to get your fingers wet because, you know, that’s disgusting and you’re a billionaire now so obviously you’re classy and your fingers should always stay dry and … Continue reading

Woman Encounters Homeless Man’s Ballsack, Claims Virginal Conception

Early yesterday morning a middle-aged woman experienced what she calls, “The most important 47 seconds of my life”. Emitting a long moan when asked to relay the events to our team, the woman (who has asked to remain anonymous), smiled, crossed herself, and flickered her eyes. It is no surprise that she acted in such a … Continue reading

The Definitive Ranking of the 2016 Presidential Candidates

As the Iowa Caucus has come and gone, the dust has settled, and Americans are becoming increasingly familiar with the candidates in the 2016 Presidential Race. Now, because the favorability of each and every candidate is SO high (maybe the highest we’ve seen in decades!), I took it upon myself to alleviate the processes of … Continue reading